In fact, I think the nervousness about what might be called personal
>historic expression comes not from whether it is "fiction" or "non-fiction"
>(of which it neither, exclusively) but a fear of the irrational emotional
>expression, particularly of love, happiness, sorrow, and anger, which tend
>to be intimately connected with a person's understanding of their own life.
>And having others identify them with it. And shame them for it.
Coupla nights ago i had an intense dream that i was sitting in the backseat
of my parked car and two Latino guys pulled up and parked in front of me,
got out of their car and walked over to the passenger side door of my car.
The driver then grabbed the other guy by the head and shoved it through my
car window and proceeded to beat him to a living pulp with a revolver.
Once finished, the driver paused, looked me dead in the eye and said, "Are
you asleep?" Long pause as i considered the correct answer, knowing he
would kill me if i chose wrongly. I replied, "Yes." He paused, seemed
satisfied, walked back to his car and, after checking on me a coupla times
to make sure i hadn't moved, drove off.
Next day i read in the paper that he had killed three people that evening
and he was on the lam. I struggled with what to do. Should i turn him in
- he's a killer! But then again, he could have killed me but he spared my
life. For that i was grateful.
~k
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