> From: ef Fischer
> To: fishbreath@somewhere.net
> Subject: vasarhely
> Date: Tue, 05 Sep 2000 01:41:27 -0700
>
> they took my bicycle, gyuszi says to me. i know, i say to him. we're
> walking down the street. he sighs and takes my hand.
>
>
> -e
dear ef,
this has been your dream for years and you obviously love gyuszi. and
now you are faced with your first decision as a parent: do i leave him
here with the love of his family, where he understands the language,
where *perhaps* even under the circumstances, as a child, he knows he
is master of his world, where he shares the injustices of his life
with his brothers and sisters and in that has understanding or; do i
take him to canada where he will get the special attention he needs
with a learning disability (and you would probably have to fight for
it), where he will have enough food to develop fully, where he will
have someone who understands how it is to be a refugee and immigrant
(although you had your parents), where at least with some people his
sensitivity will be appreciated and the perceptions and expressions of
that encouraged. but as a parent your primary concern is gyuszi. he is
worth the careful consideration and even the anguish of this and more
and if you find you are just not up to bringing him that is good to
know.
here are some things about parenting from the what the hell do i know
about it part of my brain.
kids are not art projects. you are neither the creator nor the
director of a child, unlike art their mere existence gives them
worth.
kids are not dogs. dogs evolved with humans to be our companions and
vice versa, kids become more and more themselves.
kids need to be parented so that their dignity is left intact. it is
very easy to shatter a sensitive child's world especially in the
isolation and alienation of this place. emotional walls are very
painful for a child to run into.
kids need dogs. (self-explanatory)
parents need help which you could have from me, which probably you
could have from lajos and eszter if they ever come back here and which
i would think you would have from a disgruntled uncle csaba. anya
(nina and angie's mom) would probably be great and i don't know who
else.
so now how. crazy idea, but is there anyway you can pretend gyuszi is
actually yours? remember i have no idea how it is over there. you were
in that part of the world ten years ago.
can they send gyuszi with you for a visit with his 'canadian
aunt'?
can you smuggle him into hungary and from there adopt him cheaper?
do you want to smuggle the girl into hungary too?
this would affect those left.
i am exhausted and need to sleep. if you want a different opinion
maybe you can e-mail maas. take good care. i hope your head and your
heart come to some agreement.
i am studying hungarian on line. i played hungarian hangman today and
learned that pumpkin is the same word as testicle.
write soon,
lora.
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